Philip Adlem
Psychotherapist
AngerDepressionRelationshipsand 2 more: Suicidal thoughts, Grief and loss
Topic
Anger management for men
Anger is often the one feeling men are allowed to have — so it ends up doing the work of all the others. Hurt comes out as anger. Fear comes out as anger. Shame comes out as anger.
Reviewed by practising therapists
This page is for any man who's tired of the after-feeling — the regret, the apologies, the look on someone's face. Working with anger in therapy isn't about suppressing it. It's about widening the gap between the trigger and the reaction, and getting curious about what's underneath.
What's actually underneath
Anger is almost always a second feeling. Something else came first — usually quieter, often more vulnerable. A good therapist will help you slow down enough to spot it, so you can respond to the real thing instead of the loud thing.
Common patterns
- Anger after being criticised → underneath is often shame.
- Anger when a partner pulls away → underneath is often fear of being left.
- Anger at small inconveniences → underneath is often exhaustion or overwhelm.
What working with a therapist looks like
Anger work in therapy isn't a lecture. It's practical — noticing your early warning signs, building a couple of techniques that actually work for you, and slowly unpacking the patterns that keep showing up. For a lot of men, doing this with another man in the room helps; it's easier to be honest about it.
Male therapists who work with anger
See all therapists
John Bevan
Counsellor / Psychotherapist
AngerAnxietyDepressionand 2 more: Self-esteem, Work-related stress
Related reading
Article · Quick read
Anger Management in Men: Causes, Effects, and How to Take Control
Anger is a natural human emotion but for many men it becomes one of the few emotions they feel comfortable expressing. From a young age, boys are often conditioned to suppress emotions like sadness, fear or vulnerability while anger is seen as more acceptable. This can lead to difficulties in recognising and processing emotions in a healthy way, making anger a dominant emotional response.
Podcast · Listen
Working with High Value Men — Anger, Belonging and Navigating Shame
In this episode of No Man’s An Island, Chris Hemmings is joined by Christian Chalfont, a counsellor and hypnotherapist whose work is increasingly centred on men’s mental health, identity and pressure. Christian previously founded Men’s Retreats UK, creating male-only talks, workshops and retreats designed to help men reconnect with community.
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Men, Sport and Self-Regulation
Many men struggle with self-regulation – they can feel swept away on a tide of emotion, often acting to discharge uncomfortable feelings such as anger, aggression, envy, loss or competitiveness. The experience of therapy can help with overwhelm due to a type of “co-regulation” in the room. The therapist, we hope, is able to receive some of the client’s distress yet process and return it in a more manageable form. The client experiences this as more soothing and a loop is formed which improves the processing of difficult emotion.
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