Topic
Depression in men
Depression in men often doesn't look like the version on the leaflets. It can show up as numbness, irritability, withdrawing from the people you love, or just a flat sense that nothing feels like much anymore.
Reviewed by practising therapists
This page covers how depression tends to show up in men, when to take it seriously, and how to find a therapist who'll meet you where you are.
How depression shows up in men
Men often describe depression as 'feeling nothing' rather than 'feeling sad'. The world goes a bit grey. Things that used to matter — work, sex, friends, hobbies — stop landing. Anger can come up more easily, and so can a quiet, persistent sense of not being able to be bothered.
It can also be physical: heavy limbs, poor sleep, no appetite or eating to fill a hole, drinking more, scrolling more. None of this means you're failing. It means something needs attention.
When to take it seriously
- You've been low or numb most days for more than two weeks.
- You've pulled away from people who matter to you.
- You're sleeping much more or much less than usual.
- You're having thoughts that you'd be better off not here, even fleetingly.
If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out now — in the UK you can call Samaritans on 116 123, any time, free. Therapy is for the longer work; a crisis line is for tonight.
What therapy can do
Therapy with a male therapist gives you a place to be honest about what's underneath the flatness — often grief, anger, shame, or a life that's drifted away from what you actually want. The aim isn't to cheer you up; it's to help you understand what your depression is trying to tell you, and to slowly rebuild the things that make life feel like yours again.
Male therapists who work with depression
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Ray Sutton
Counselling Therapist
DepressionAddictionAlcoholismand 2 more: Anxiety, Race and racial identity
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Frequently asked questions
Yes. In men depression often looks like numbness, irritability or withdrawal rather than tears. The clinical picture is broader than the stereotype.
Either is fine. A GP can talk through medication and rule out physical causes; a therapist works with what's underneath. Many men do both.